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Glastonbury sells out! Also, all the tickets have been bought
Cliff Richard’s songs ‘a delight to clap along to’ confirmed Eavis.
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George Osborne’s hair to headline Glastonbury
Osborne will perform tracks by The Ramones, Joy Division and Bob the Builder. Chancellor George Osborne is hoping to boost his popularity, by taking his new ‘mod’ hair on the road and playing at...
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Govt. sanctioned rebellion festival ‘a success’ says State TV
Free anarchy T-shirt with every edamame bean salad. Thousands of citizens have enjoyed a weekend of government-approved anarchy, claimed Britain’s propaganda machine, the BBC. Rebellious festival-goers...
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Row breaks out over Ukip’s use of foreign angels
Clarence, a foreign angel (now with wings) Ukip in Glastonbury has come under fire for employing angels and galactic beings none of which are residents of the United Kingdom. There have been...
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Dalai Lama booked to throw his piss at James Bay
Let it go, Mr Lama. Let it go. The Dalai Lama is said to be ‘overjoyed’ at the prospect of annointing James Bay with his own holy water. Mr Lama, 63, is famed for his inner calm and tranquility, but...
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Glastonbury moving every year ‘to hide from Coldplay’
Revellers flock to new venue The Glastonbury festival will henceforth be changing location every year in an attempt to prevent Coldplay from finding it, it has been announced. The music festival has...
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Left-leaning BBC reports Corbyn’s speech at Glastonbury but ignores Mrs May’s...
PM’s inspiring speech to dozens of plaster figurines, simply ignored by BBC In a clear display of media bias, the BBC fawned over Jeremy Corbyn’s ramblings to a mere hundred thousand hippies at an...
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